Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Happiness Catalyst

What happens when 10 authors who have never met each other come together via a social medium like Twitter and collaborate on creating a free e-book? You end up with a phenomenal book like The Happiness Catalyst.

The Happiness Catalyst is the brainchild of Dave Ursillo who recruited authors via social media site Twitter to submit original works with the intention of encouraging the reader to re-engage their communities and find happiness in the process.


Download your copy here:

Free e-book: The Happiness Catalyst

Read more about the genesis of this book:

The Happiness Catalyst: Reconnecting with Community

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Value of a Day

Every person in this life has something to teach me — and as soon as I accept that, I open myself to truly listening. --Catherine Doucette



On Saturday night, I was standing outside of a church hall, waiting for people to come to an event I planned. I'm one of the coordinators for a contra dance in Eastern Connecticut. (Contra dancing is a form of dance that was popular in New England in the 18th century, and it evolved from early English and French country dance forms.)

While standing in the parking area, one of the old timers heard me marvel about how quickly the Summer had passed. I mused out loud about how it seemed impossible that we could be entering into a new dance season so soon (We take the Summer off from dancing). It seemed like only days before that we finished the last season, when in fact, it was months since we last danced.

I asked him why life seems to accelerate as we grow older--rhetorically, not really expecting a substantial or valuable answer. His response floored me. He said, "When you were one year old, a day was a significant part of your lifetime. Today, a day is but a small fraction of a much longer lifetime, and in contrast--it seems to move very quickly."

How profound.

I was reminded to listen to everyone, as I never know when someone might offer something wise. I will cherish his profundity for many years to come.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Balance

I've had a desire, over the years, to learn to exercise through running. It's never seemed to work for me, despite repeated attempts. When I ran, I was barely able to go a half mile with out losing control of my breathing. I would run a little ways, until my breathing went out of control, and then I would need to walk for a while. I repeated this pattern frequently.

I gave up trying to run about five years ago, when a friend stopped exercising with me due to a knee injury. In the subsequent years, I moved from a physically demanding job to working behind a desk. I gained some weight and generally felt pretty lousy about my health. Determined to get back in shape, I started attending Yoga classes this past November.

Yoga is a good fit for me and I attend class frequently. In the process, I have practiced some breath-work. As Spring came around this year, I decided to give running another attempt. Much to my surprise, I didn't seem to have any problems with control of my breathing during my runs. Over the Summer months, I went from running 1.5 miles, to 3 miles, and settled into a 4.5 mile routine for quite some time. Just recently, I've increased to a 6 mile run, several times a week.

From a breath perspective, I don't seem to have any distance barriers in my running. I certainly have some speed barriers; but, these barriers will be overcome gradually. From a muscular-skeletal standpoint, increased distance certainly takes its toll on my legs, but they are strengthening.

The most exciting developments, from my running, is my increased health. I've lost over 20 pounds and recorded a significant drop in my pulse and blood pressure. In fact, I was recently taken off of blood pressure medications for the first time in 15 years!

As a whole being, we must not neglect any part of our self. Yoga has taught me a great deal about balance. We come from an unseen singular place and live in a seen, dualistic world; therefore, we require balance. I'm enjoying this journey of developing my balance.

Monday, April 26, 2010

The End of Suffering

"Does God exist? The Buddhist is likely to answer,'It really doesn't matter one way or another since the human predicament remains the same in either case. Our job is to dispel illusion and alleviate suffering.'" - Richard Hooper


It probably comes as no surprise when I suggest the world is full of suffering. Just about any exposure to the daily news reveals countless stories of tragedy and horror. We find there are millions of people living in squalid conditions, going hungry, and suffering from physical traumas or disease.

Most faith traditions, as well as many secular relief organizations, actively minister to those who are physically suffering in the far reaches of the world. This is, of course, entirely appropriate and honorable. All of us would do well to support these efforts in any manner possible.

Yet, might I also suggest that there is a great deal of suffering among the wealthiest and most successful people of the world? In fact, there is suffering among our friends, families, and neighbors. There is suffering in our own hearts.

Our job is to alleviate suffering. Yes, sending money to humanitarian relief organizations is a wonderful idea; however, it does not end suffering. Sending money simply provides temporary physical relief, and suffering continues. Why?

According to some Eastern traditions, there are five main causes of suffering:

1. "Not knowing your true identity."
2. "Clinging to the idea of permanence in in a world that is inherently impermanent."
3. "Fear of change."
4. Identifying with the socially induced hallucination called the ego."
5. "Fear of death."
(Deepak Chopra)

Isn't this interesting? Wouldn't you have expected a list like this?

1. Bigotry
2. War
3. Famine
4. Greed
5. Lack of education

When I hear of organized secular or religious groups striving to end suffering, I think of people actively engaging the issues on my second list. Yet, these Eastern faith traditions teach us that physical suffering is secondary to spiritual suffering--represented by the first list. In other words, the second list represents symptoms of suffering, whereas the first list represents root causes.

Eastern faith traditions suggest our job is to dispel illusion and alleviate suffering--in our own hearts. We are called to transcend space, time, and cause-and-effect by coming to realize our core consciousness is immortal (D.Chopra).

By recognizing that we have all come into this physical world from the same Source and that we are all connected on the level of our highest consciousness, we begin to value new things: love, peace, and fulfilled meaning--to name a few. And in inculcating these new values, we become the change we want to see in the world.

Indeed, suffering must end. It must end in our hearts.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." - Leo Tolstoy

Saturday, April 10, 2010

To Observe Without Evaluating

"I don't fear heresy anymore, I fear hypocrisy all the more."-Dezi Baker.

Many people go through a radical or fundamentalist stage in their life, whether religion or lifestyle. Most of us know people who spend all of their time at church, the gym, or something similar. Usually this occurs when we're relatively young and idealistic, but certainly can take place at any stage in life. Sometimes it's the result of some significant emotional event, e.g. cancer, loss of a loved one, etc..

I'm no exception. The peak of my fundamentalism was in my late teens/early twenties--during a time when I lived in a foreign country for two years. My life has been a steady journey away from fundamentalism since. This is not to say that I have no faith. To the contrary, I have grown greatly in faith; I have simply shed religion.

One of the things that seems to often accompany the radical or fundamentalist stage is being judgmental (evaluating). It's natural to think less of others when we're so committed to a creed or doctrine, when they're not on the same path. After the radicalism begins to fade (often with age), the evaluation habit lingers, and does not seem to abate as quickly. It is here that hypocrisy begins to creep into our lives.

It is my intention to only judge myself, with love and grace. I intend to not evaluate you, your life, or your cause as either good or bad. I will not march in your parade, save to promote your unalienable right to be self-directing. It is you who gets to choose your own path. I honor the spirit that is within you. Namaste.

"To observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence."~Jiddu Krishnamurti

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Wishing Life Away


"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived..." -Diane Ackerman

Though I cherish silence and solitude, I also really enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with pensive people. Yesterday, I had lunch with a dear friend. He and I always speak of many things, including our kids, current love interests, and the joy of experiencing the seasons of our lives.

My workplace was the subject of a large part of our conversation. I shared that my supervisor is set to retire at the end of March and his position will probably remain vacant for the foreseeable future as a cost-saving measure during this difficult economy. We spoke of the opportunities and difficulties that are likely to develop for me in the intervening time, until the position is filled.

Compassionately, my friend expressed a hope for me that the time would go by very quickly. I responded immediately, almost without thinking, "No, I don't hope for it to go quickly; but, rather that every moment is meaningful and without any major catastrophes." He seemed a little taken aback for a moment, before consenting.

I'm sure my friend meant well and I feel bad for not just receiving his compassion, without the necessity of a response. Though it's important for me to own my response, and to think before I speak, I also think my consciousness reflexively rejected his suggestion, just as the body rejects poison with vomiting. Wishing for time to go quickly during difficulty is a common practice, but one that I've grown to reject vehemently.

Life is full of difficulty and if we wish every period of discomfort away--life will get away from us. Wishing time away is a form of slumber. We drift off into the past or dream of the future, and numb the present pain--not altogether unlike Rip Van Winkle, who escaped his nagging wife by sleeping for twenty years.

I often encounter people who are wishing their lives away. Do you see it too? A quick look at various Facebook statuses reveals people who "...cant wait for 5:00 PM," so they can leave work, or people who wish the weekend was closer. Wednesday is oft celebrated as "hump day," or the day halfway to the weekend. While in line at the grocery store, I notice the cashiers often commiserate the boredom of their work by exchanging the countdown to their parole at the end of their shifts. I'm even more dismayed by the people who are eager to leave work in order that they may watch some television show.

Despite being one of the richest nations in the world, we seem to be entirely unhappy as a people and so eager to escape. Yet, people living in squalid conditions in third world countries are often reported to be quite content and generally seem happy. Why is this? Although there are many likely factors, I think our Christian heritage plays a large part. We see ourselves as weary travelers treading through the muck of this fallen world, in the hopes of reaching some heavenly destination at the end of our journey.

From the little I know about Buddhism, the religion seems to discourage longing for some pie in the sky afterlife and rather emphasizes the potential of each moment. We Christians would do well to learn a few things from the Buddhists. Buddhism seems to encourage adherents to be fully present in their suffering and to examine the thought processes that contribute to the suffering and pain, to rise above these thoughts, and to experience the highest life has to offer--in the now. I like this approach.

As for me, I choose to recognize that every moment is built upon a field of infinite possibilities. Though the field may sometimes be cold or dark, I will not lay down and sleep, but rather will gaze upon the stars in sheer amazement. In many other instances, the field is a way-point for people to come in and out of our lives. We can meet them there--out beyond ideas of right and wrong--and share the joy being alive.

"Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived..." -Ernest Hemingway

Monday, February 15, 2010

Finding and Sharing Happiness

"The source of happiness is inside of you." -Randall Krause

One of my favorite things to say is, "We don't find happiness in relationships; rather, we share happiness in relationships," which is to say that we must have discovered the fountain of our own happiness before we bathe in the fountain of someone else.

Down through the ages so much has been written about finding happiness, and the consensus seems to be that enduring happiness cannot be found in the arms of another person. Why then, does the myth of finding happiness in a relationship persist? Maybe it's that we've all found moments of bliss in the arms of another; or, maybe there has been some confusion. Look at what one thinker has to say about the subject:

"There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved." -George Sand

On the surface, this seems to suggest that happiness CAN be found in a relationship. We find the contrary on closer inspection. The first thing we must do for happiness is GIVE love to others. Most of the great spiritual traditions inform us that true love gives without any thought of return, and these same traditions also suggest that love will always return to the giver, in some form.

Viktor Frankl taught us that happiness and meaning in life cannot be pursued; it must ensue as the by-product of creating, experiencing, and choosing. In other words, as a by-product of LIVING an active life. What kind of activity? Denis Waitley said, "Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude." Neither men suggest we find happiness by seeking love, but rather living in a state wherein love is the fiber of our very being. Waitley seems to suggest all that we do and say must originate in love, which agrees with the Buddha: "One who values happiness for himself but creates anxiety for others is confused." We create happiness for others by loving them in a state of constant grace, seasoned with gratitude.

Personally, I've come to the conclusion that I must be well-established in my own happiness long before I am able to sustain an enduring relationship. This makes sense, right? Only when I'm happy can I share it with another person. I must possess something before it can be shared with another.

The other person in my life must be well-established in her own happiness too. I cannot be the source of happiness for her, nor can she for me. Anything else would be a co-dependency.

Now, this isn't to say that I can be satisfied in a relationship with just anyone. Some people are more compatible than others and I intend to spend the remainder of my days with someone who is compatible. This will make the sharing of our synergistic happiness easier.

So the take-home lesson is to find your own place of happiness independent of another person. If you're single, seek someone who is already quite happy, and compatible with you. If you're in a relationship, the best thing you can do is to gently nudge them down their own path of happiness and give love in great abundance.